I am a Chronic Worrier

I started this Blog several days ago when I was very upset, decided to save it for a few days instead of posting it, good decision. I am calmer now and can change some of the mean things that I wrote, it is not good to post when you are angry, now that I have a little clearer head I can rewrite and maybe get the same points across without so much hostility!

I am a chronic worrier, I worry about everything! Some of us have a tendency to worry more than others, I wish I was not that way, but I can not help myself, I was born this way, or maybe I just inherited the tendency! I guess that one of the reasons a person worries is because they are not in control , however worrying does nothing to ensure a positive outcome to the situation, and what one might consider a positive outcome, to another it may not be positive! So guess it is best to let the good Lord handle it for us! AND Stop worrying!

I love my family I guess to much, and want what is best for them, but what I see as being best, may not be what is best for them in the long run, so I have to learn to live with their decisions and work at being the best I can be, and not worry about the ones that I disagree with.

Have you ever had people that you wish had never entered your life, because the hurt they have caused is beyond belief. I have had a few of them and I have learned to forgive some for the hurt and working on forgiving the rest! It is a very hard thing to do!

I have two ex daughter in laws one I get along with and still love and care about, the other one I still care about and would like to love again but she makes it really hard to find a way to communicate with her, she does and says things that are hurtful and then I get mad and do the the same, since I have gotten older it is hard for me to hold things in like I once did!

I want my grandchildren to live in a clean and health home what is wrong with that? I want them to eat more than fast food, what is wrong with that? Their mom does not believe in God so the kids should not be taught about him either! That is wrong, they should be taught all beleifs and let them decide when they get older! I really do want the best for her, and it would be nice to have a working relationship, but I only see that happening if I agree with everything she say and does as she does not like input from me, everything I say or do, she has to make a literal meaning about it! With most people I do not have to put exact times and dates to things I say, they can read between the lines, she can not! I can not even say something in a joking manner, she will make a Mountain out of it! I wish this could be resolved, but I am not going to hold my breath! She is truly not open minded and is set in her ways, and does not try to look at new things! I will however continue to pray for her! I do remember some good times with her and wonder where that girl went!

One of my son's has a real problem he is in love with two women, the girl he loved before he got married and his ex wife. (and the ex wants him back, since he is living with the other) I hope it works out for all involved I know that someone has to get hurt, but who is the question! One believes in God and the other does not! He once did, but was talked out of his belief. Now which way should he go, that is up to him!

It's a New Beginning

Here it is another start of another year! I pray the Lord that this year will be a turn around year for us. I am not sure we can live through another year like 2008! The disappointments and heartache's were almost too much to bear.

The loss of income, home and much more, I did not know what to do and where to turn as this is the first time in my life that I have lost everything, then the fact that I depended to much on my children to guide me through this time of worry, which was and is a burden to them was not fair to them. I do not want to be a burden, I just want to be a Mom!

I love all my children with my whole heart and want what is best for them all. It is time now for me to let them fly on their own and for me to move on and find whatever it is I need! I do not mean to forget about them, that I could never do, I just need to let them live their lives, like I did when I left home. (Sink or swim that is what I must do and they must do) I always was there for my mother and father, and they were always there for me, but we lived separate lives and viewed things in different ways. I guess I just want to be in the middle and be included in every way with them and when I am not then I get my feelings hurt. So I need to find other things to occupy my life and mind. I know they will always be within reach if I need them and I will always be in reach if they need me, BUT, Mom it is time to let go! It is with a heavy heart that I have made this decision and I know that I have to find a Happy Place in my own mind so I do not go crazy!